Comic Book Review: Squadron Supreme #3

I have absolutely loved the first two issues of Squadron Supreme. I think Straczynski has done a great job developing these characters. This title has so much potential and could really be Marvel’s answer to the Watchmen. I have high hopes for Squadron Supreme #3. There is no way that Straczynski doesn’t deliver the goods in this issue, right?

Creative Team
Writer: J. Michael Straczynski
Penciler: Gary Frank
Inker: Jonathan Sibal

Art Rating: 9 Night Girls out of 10.
Story Rating: 2 Night Girls out of 10.
Overall Rating: 5 Night Girls out of 10.

Synopsis: The issue starts with Hyperion and Dr. Spectrum under the control of M’Butu and flying back to their teammates to attack them. And we start this issue with a braaaaaawwwl! Power Princess takes on Hyperion and notices that there is another voice in his head that is not like hers. Hyperion punches out Power Princess. Dr. Spectrum then blasts Edith. Stan goes to help Edith and she snaps on his telling him to stay away from her. We see a one panel flashback of Edith being raped by three guys. Power Princess then steps in and swoops up Dr. Spectrum. Power Princess searches Dr. Spectrum’s mind for the voice that spoke to her. She finds it and suddenly Dr. Spectrum is under the control of that voice. He mentions how they children must not fight. Power Princess then tells the possessed Dr. Spectrum to go stop Hyperion. Dr. Spectrum grabs Hyperion and tells him to “listen to me, child…listen to me…and remember.” And with that he zaps some type of beams from his eyes into Hyperion’s eyes.

Meanwhile, Kingsley is attacking Shape. Emil blows some black powder into Kingsley’s face causing her to start choking. Arcanna asks Emil what did he do to her. He said that since Kingsley is an Amphibian, that she has lungs and gills. He came up with an innovative substance that instantly dries up her gills causing her throat to shut down. Therefore, no airs to her lungs. Arcanna freaks that Emil is killing Kingsley. Emil admits that that is an unfortunate solution, but Kingsley was trying to kill them.

We cut back to Hyperion telling Dr. Spectrum that he is all right now.. Dr. Spectrum then wakes up from his possession and asks where is he and says there is someone screaming in his head. Spectrum suddenly notices Kingsley dying and he swoops down and takes her to the water nearby and plunges her deep into the water. Spectrum begs Kingsley to start breathing since she is the only thing he has ever cared for. Kingsley wakes up and starts breathing. The two hug each other. (Ok, I’m going to warn you that from here on this comic book just blows. Like a Church Street hooker.)

We cut back to the rest of the team waiting. Emil is telling his teammates that in order to protect himself he has figured out ways to defeat each member of the team. Well, each member except two of them: Spectrum and Hyperion. At that point we see Spectrum in a full rage flying straight to Emil yelling that he is going to kill Emil. But, he is stopped by Stan suddenly appearing with 5 super powered Africans. The 5 metahuman Africans tell the Squadron Supreme to stop. In their battle they have destroyed the small village. (Oh boy, Straczynski is about to get on his soapbox and get all preachy.) The African metahumans go on about how Africa did not ask for their help. That white men have come from other countries and decided that the must get involved in Africa’s affairs. They continue that all of Africa’s problems are the fault of white men. (You poor blancos. You guys get blamed for every problem in the world. I must admit, you guys are great scapegoats.)

That Americans armed M’Butu to rule Uganda. They gave him money and turned a blind eye to his atrocities. That it profits America to see Africa destabilized and constantly going from one conflict to another. Always fighting among themselves. (Oh god, do I have to go on and continue reading this issue? Let it end now. Please!) That India is taking American jobs. Nations are trading in Chinese currency instead of American dollars. That Ireland is the new silicon valley. That America cannot afford a peaceful united Africa. (Ha! Yeah, tribal warfare and slavery. Africa is a real hot bed of unity.) Then America got afraid that M’Butu could win and end the continual strife. So America sent the Squadron Supreme in to kill him before he grew to big.

The African continue to drone on like a drill in my brain. That they are going to deal with M’Butu in their own way. Not outsiders. It is their country. Their responsibility. Their right. (No, seriously, do I have to go on? Isn’t this damn issue over yet?) We then see the metahuman Africans bust into M’Butu’s compound and literally tear him apart. (Well, that is peaceful.) The Africans continue on that they have also killed the Americans who paid and helped M’Butu. They African continue to blah blah blah about how the Squadron Supreme can go back and tell their bosses that they can do what they want in their own country and the nations they keep so tightly on their chain built of dollars and oil. (No, seriously, somebody please end this horrid comic book!) That from now on Africa is off limits. (Oooh, really scary.) That the metahuman Africans will safeguard their own and nurture their own freedoms (Except for the women that they practice tribal genitalia mutilation on.) That if they attempt to interfere with Africa then they will be waiting for them.

They tell the Squadron Supreme to go and not return. (Hey, I wonder if they are including the non-black Arab African countries in this rant and diatribe?) Finally, is this over? Oh wait, it isn’t! Stan then approaches one of the metahuman Africans and tells him that he respects them. The leader of the metahuman Africans interrupts Stan and tells him that he cannot stay. That Stan’s heart has a great light. (You know, I heard white people don’t even have hearts! Yeah, no blood either. I think they run off ice or something like that) That Stan is a good man. A child of Africa. (Versus all of those evil white devils from whatever hellish countries they come from.) But Stan is still an American and they wish him no harm and will pray for his health and soul. But, as long as the world is that the world is that there is no place for Stan in Africa.

We then cut to the team on their airplane heading back to evil, vile, disgusting, Satanic, warmongering, imperialistic and Darth Vader loving America. Hyperion asks Stan if he was ok. (And why wouldn’t he be? He was the ONLY member who didn’t actually do any fighting.) Stan says that he doesn’t know. That he doesn’t agree with guys like Nighthawk that think that white people are responsible for all the problems that black people have. But, that whether back home or half way across the world white people are responsible for a lot of them. (Yeah those stupid blancos. Have they invented or done anything good for this world? You know, my black beans and rice really gave me gas last night. I think it was a blanco’s fault.) Hyperion points out that he is an alien and not a human. Stan says yeah but Hyperion lives in that world and points to his white skin and that Stan lives in this world and points to his black skin. And as much as Stan likes Hyperion there isn’t a ship in the universe that can carry Stan to Hyperion’s world or Hyperion to Stan’s world. Hyperion tells Stan that he gets it and puts his hand on his shoulder. Stan tells Hyperion to move the hand. That they aren’t that close. (Bwahaha! Tough talk runt. Hyperion could tear you apart with a sneeze.)

Stan then asks where Tom Thumb is. Emil says that he thought they should have a backup plan in case they got caught. So, Emil designed a tiny self-contained capsule with enough air to last the mission and inserted Tom up Shape’s butt evidently. (ooookay.) We then see Spectrum flying outside the plane with the same possessed look in his eyes that he had earlier in this issue. End of issue. Thank god. This mess is finally over.

The Good: Seriously, this issue sucked. It sucked big time. I mean absolute crap. This might have been one of the least enjoyable and most annoying comic books that I have ever read. Absolutely nothing about this could even be remotely confused with an entertaining comic book to read.

But, I always pride myself on finding something positive to say. So, the issue was cool for the 13 pages before it turned into one extremely boring preachy monologue on white and black people and how Americans are scum sucking pigs. Unfortunately that went on and on for 9 pages. Anyway, the fight was cool. I love Emil’s character. He is so unabashedly amoral. What a fun character to read. Emil is like a combination of Batman, Mr. Fantastic and Lex Luthor.

Evidently whatever is possessing Power Princess has now spread to Dr. Spectrum. I’m interested to see where Straczynski goes with this storyline next issue once he gets off his soapbox.

I love Gary Frank’s artwork. Absolutely love it. Frank’s art was pretty much the saving grace to this abysmal comic book. Frank’s Power Princess is a hottie. Frank’s style works well with this comic and makes even a lousy story fun to look at.

The Bad: I don’t really know where to start. I think that Squadron Supreme has so much potential. And I really was impressed with the first two issues. However, Squadron Supreme #3 was just a train wreck of an issue. I mean, other than Dr. Spectrum now being possessed by whatever is controlling Power Princess absolutely NOTHING happened. This was a total waste of an issue. It did nothing to further a single plotline. It did nothing to further the character development of any of the members of the team.

It is totally beyond be what the hell Straczynski was thinking when he wrote this pile of crap. And I’m not even going to get into the utter garbage about how evil America is. Or how white people are responsible for all of the world’s evils. It is just so idiotic that it doesn’t deserve to be addressed.

And I have absolutely no desire to read a comic based on blaming white people for everything. Or even about black/white relations. The world isn’t black and white. America isn’t black and white. It is brown, red, yellow, black and white. The two fastest growing groups in America are Hispanics and Asians. Plus you have plenty of other groups coming to America like Indians and Middle Easterners. Life isn’t black and white anymore. I don’t even have a desire to read a comic book about race relations between mi gente and other people. It make for a boring comic book. I can read the newspaper if I want stuff like this.

Squadron Supreme is supposed to deliver those chilling and entertaining Watchmen-esque stories. Instead I get this garbage. If this is the direction that Straczynski is going to be taking with Squadron Supreme then count me out. I have no interest is reading more comics as horrendous as this one.