Comic Book Review: Ultimate X-Men #70

Ultimate X-Men is the weakest link in Marvel’s Ultimate Universe. Ever since Kirkman has taken over the writing duties, this title has really sunk. As a matter of fact, this Ultimate X-Men is in danger of being placed on probation here at the Revolution. Let’s check out Ultimate X-Men #70.

Creative Team
Writer: Robert Kirkman
Penciler: Ben Oliver
Inker: Jonathan Glapion

Art Rating: 4 Night Girls out of 10.
Story Rating: 5 Night Girls out of 10
Total Rating: 4 Night Girls out of 10

Synopsis: The issue starts with Nightcrawler at Dazzler’s bedside. Dazzler is still in a coma and Nightcrawler just sits there unloading on her how alone. Warren isn’t around anymore. Colossus lied to him about being gay which makes him an abomination. All Nightcrawler has is Dazzler.

We cut back to the X-Mansion. Cyclops decides since they are undermanned to allow Elliot Boggs to come with them to fight the Brotherhood of Mutants.

We shift to Lilandra commencing her testing of Jean Grey to see if she is the Phoenix. Jean thinks Lilandra is nuts and is less than happy about this entire situation.

We cut back over to the X-Men in the Blackbird. Storm and Rogue are admiring Elliot’s abs. They land and suddenly Colossus comes flying through the wall of the building where the dance is being held. Out come the students from Emma Frost’s school: Angel, Polaris, Havok, Sunspot, Cannonball and Northstar. Mastermind from the Brotherhood is making Emma’s students think that the X-Men are the Brotherhood. So with that, we officially have a braaaaaawwwl!

We shift back to Xavier’s school where Lilandra is continuing her testing of Jean. Jean tells Lilandra about the visions she has had of a monstrous flaming bird scorching the earth. They are horrific visions and Jean thinks that the Hellfire Club is right. That the Phoenix is going to be the end of the world. Jeans says that if Lilandra’s tests determine that she is the Phoenix then she will kill herself.

We shift back to the slobber knocker between Emma’s students and the X-Men. The X-Men have finished taking out all of Emma’s students. With that done, the Brotherhood of Mutants come walking out of the building. Now the real fight is on! Ohmahgawd! It’s another braaaaaaawwwl!

We cut back to Jean and Lilandra. Jean continues to talk about seeing horrible visions like melting her boyfriend’s face off. Suddenly, Jean is covered in sweat.

We shift back to the fight between the X-Men and the Brotherhood. Elliot Boggs shows off his power by blasting the Blob so hard that the Blob actually moved a little bit. The X-Men are all duly impressed.

We skip back to Jean and Lilandra. Jean suddenly transforms into the Phoenix. The Phoenix tells Lilandra to “Rejoice, if you wish foolish one! Rejoice as I unmake this world…starting with you.” End of issue.


The Good: Finally, the Ultimate Universe has the Phoenix. That really is the entire issue. The entire issue was just built around dropping this massive bomb of having Jean turn into the Phoenix at the end. I like the Phoenix and I’m very interested to see where Kirkman goes with this story.

And that is pretty much it for what I liked about this issue.

The Bad: The writing in general just doesn’t do anything for me. It isn’t terrible, but it isn’t good. The story is just neutral. It is generic. Kind of like eating a bland cracker. Not offensive, but you really have no desire to keep eating them.

I think the dialogue is rather uninteresting. None of the characters have much in the way of their own personality. The plotting is a little off. The real problem is that the storyline doesn’t feel tight, focused and directed. Everything about the writing on Ultimate X-Men just leaves me feeling completely neutral. Ultimate X-Men could really benefit from a change at the writer position.

The artwork also does nothing for me. Oliver and Glapion’s artwork is less than average. The art lacks detail. It looks messy and too simple. There isn’t much in the way of facial expressions. Overall, the art is boring and does nothing to enhance the story.

Ultimate X-Men needs a total overhaul. A new writer and a new artist. There are simply too many other excellent comic books on the market for me to recommend someone purchasing this title. And, I’m only willing to give Ultimate X-Men another couple of issues before I decide to drop it from my pull list.