Groovy Superhero and the Revolution are a united front, so for you Revolutionaries, this is one-stop shopping; my daily posts are appearing on both sites, so you only need visit Groovy Superhero if you want to peruse the archives for my backstory, which in any case will soon be collected in Absolute Omnibus format.
I’ve read them, and I promise they will blow your mind, especially the dramatic Volume 3: “The Cat Fell Asleep on My Keyboard and Now My Language Settings are All F**d Up”, a/k/a “Me Chinese, Me Have Blog, Me Write Post About Magog”.
I have a long and storied history, but today of all days it’s time for a retelling of my classic origin story.
The year was 2002, and our brave fighting forces were at war overseas. I wanted nothing more than to write for my country, but the New York Times told me I wasn’t on anywhere near enough cocaine to write “front-line” stories from a rat-infested apartment, and so I was rejected. Down but not out, I was recruited by the reclusive Professor Steve Jobs to be a trial subject for his experimental Super-Blogger Serum. He unveiled me before an awed crowd (Professor Jobs could pretty much unveil a wet hamburger roll and awe a crowd, it was his gift), but I was not only the first to receive the serum – I was the last. Professor Jobs took a bullet to the prostate fired by the president of Facebook, and the serum was lost forever.
As it turns out, that’s probably for the best – it turns out the serum was a compound of amphetamines, bleach, and Tommy Lee’s blood – it’s given me a unique condition which doctors refer to as “Hepatitis-Z”. So my eyes bleed a bit from time to time, and I occasionally vomit fire, Red Lantern style – but I’ve been blessed with the ability to tag, link, review and comment, in the name of freedom.
I lost my trusty companion Newton when I threw it out of a moving vehicle in a rage in 1994, but little did I know it survived, and was re-engineered. It has returned to me as the slim, sleek powerhouse iPod Touch, and together we fight the never ending battle against foes such as Batroc the Splogger and the Cylon Society.
God bless America, and God bless the Revolution. Groovy Superhero is proud to be a soldier in both your names!